Where have I been?
Somewhere… Well… nowhere near here. By here I mean the blogging world. I’ve never been consistent with blogging, but I told myself that this summer would be different. I made a video talking about the ambition and goals I had surrounding my blog. I haven’t watched it in a while, but I can tell you with 1000% certainty that I did not stick to any of that… Am I disappointed in myself? Yes. Do I feel like I failed? Yes. Do I feel like I let myself down? Yes.
Now I have two options, I can either end the blog altogether and officially depart from the blogging world. Or, I could reboot my blog and just continue doing what I love.
I didn’t realize how much I had depended on blogging (me, the person who hates depending on anything or anyone), and how therapeutic it had become for me. Any ideas I couldn’t process or thoughts that I needed to be discussed, I wrote about! My blog was there for me through the good and the bad, and the community of people who read it seemed to like it. I posted because it made me happy because it helped me.
For about the first month and a half, after I stopped blogging, I felt numb. Was it because I wasn’t blogging? Probably not but exploring why I felt numb or sad was usually things I would write about on my blog. Yet I didn’t feel motivated enough.
But then around mid-august, these ideas would pop into my head and I would think “oh that’s a great blog post idea!”. But I didn’t act on it, because well my blog seemed like some far away abstract idea.
Today I was walking downtown, and I felt this electric buzz surge through me, almost like a shock and I forgot what it felt like to feel okay. To be in your element, in a place that inspired you. I forgot that writing, understanding, creating and being around the hustle and bustle is what got me into the grove of things. Its what filled my soul.
I am not lying when I say that, that connection in my head literally just happened now, from writing this. Some people need dancing, drawing, building etc. to get their grove back, to feel like themselves, I apparently need writing.
Even though I am not the best writer, I still want to write. I always sucked at the sentence structure and the grammar, I was much more the gal that focused on the point or the story. But that doesn’t mean I should stop writing…
I don’t fully understand why I stopped blogging just like that, literally for no reason… but I do know why I stopped writing.
I felt like I had nothing to say, and that’s always been an insecurity that I’ve had. I always feel that my thoughts and my story are not worth sharing with the world. And to any of you reading this who might think like this, it’s complete bullshit. Because your story is worth being shared with the world, and its something I have to remind myself every day.
So, am I officially back? I don’t know… I think I need to do a bit more reflecting, but I hope to come back. I really do miss being here…
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!